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Ramblings

Sweat dripping down the small of my back, crawling across my neck and around my ear, collecting in the palms of my hands and mockingly caressing the shallow valley between my breasts. Sweat so precious, a marker of this day’s work, not mental work done while sitting behind a computer screen, much like now, but real physical effort – the body doing what it was made to do. Absolutely liberating.

There are things in this world which distract us from the fact that ultimately we are here to survive, and in order to do this, no matter how strong the mind, one’s body must be fit to meet the challenge the earth provides. And she does provide; little hints here and there: a hill terrifying in its angle arching upwards (your excuse, or at least mine being “oh god, I am so out of shape,” but never really making a change to this), or perhaps the horror of a meeting 6 floors up a broken elevator (she chuckles that you take ten minutes to climb where perhaps a near-elderly gentleman from nearly any third world nation could make it up in a third of the time).

Technology is often seen as a blessing, something to make the world a little easier on you, but in this age more of us are wondering what if we are wrong? Technology has allowed for poor habits and more leisure time, unhealthier people living longer lives, and more of them populating areas which could not support a tenth of their number not a little over a century ago.

There are ethical issues in thinking up solutions for these things, but ultimately there is the worm of a thought in my head of whether or not nature will continue her population cycles with us. Whenever a population gets too large in nature, she cuts them down drastically to allow for change and a fresh start, rather like our spring cleaning. And in that situation is it so absurd to think that our technology will more likely be used as a weapon than a blessing when that time comes?

Ultimately it does not matter. Nature and life is the most adaptable creature on earth. She will survive long after the human race has gone out of existence, likely in a puff of irony, and will eventually erase all trace of our existence. One may then wonder why it is that we care. Why bother with humanitarian efforts or try to save the panda bear from near certain extinction, when it is just so much easier to be selfish and spend what we can on ourselves, as a sort of evolutionary right?

And this is the ultimate philosophical argument. The transcendentalists versus the gothic romantics: inherent good versus inherent evil, and it is the hardest solution to find, because it all comes down to the belief in something besides oneself. Perhaps this is the reason for the creation of religion. A system to explain why we should not live for ourselves but for others. As a whole, not for the betterment of one individual, but for the betterment of the species.

An evolutionary concept, you say? Maybe. Maybe I’m full of shit. But I’m sure that every single one of us has wondered at some time “what’s the point?” and maybe this is part of the answer but in the end it interesting to realize that in the face of the beauty and… symmetry, I suppose, of the universe, most of us decide that there is something greater than ourselves for which to live. A collective soul, God, an everlasting soul, capable of rebirth or not, spirits, something absolutely intangible, this is the motivation behind even the smallest act of kindness? Maybe

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Grandma Leadfoot

Most days, I'm grateful
The little things in life make me laugh
And today, when this grandma pulls out in front of me
I go, oh well, and step on the break
only,
this is Grandma Leadfoot
and who the hell do you think you are?
before i can even tap the break,
there she's gone
down the street a quarter mile ahead
and the car behind me blaring the horn,
the driver going "wtf grandma, lets get a move on"
And I laugh

Tags:

Sketch

How do you sketch on a computer. Those of us without the fancy touch screens and pens that scratch black marks across the virtual interface rather than against a page which can be felt when a mark is too deep, can be felt when the surface has been coated in charcoal or graphite or paint. But with a computer, i can use words, and they can be equally as beautiful, as intricate. The curve of my toe fading off beneath the covers, the angle of light, singular, warm, soft - equally important illuminating the flesh or the trash piled in the corner of the room: recycling and old white crumpled bags paired with faded receipts and an awkward pen or two, dried up from long use, or a long time out of use: either way, abused. The narrow bed, here, with a white cotton blanket which is now a subtle yellow reflected from the walls, and the computer which sits now atop my flannelled  lap. Clothes strewn over the laundry basket, but contained in a neat corner of the room, and notebooks and novels in piles on and around and ignoring my bookcase, which yearns for more space and more shelves to hold more piles of ignored books. Sand, yellow, and orange. A rich, dark brown and black and White. Slight accents of blushing pink: a gift bag, a hamper, the long forgotten trashcan. White, and green. Two large exotic house plants. An orchid which terrifies some into nightmares of human-eating fungus, and a peace lily whose flowers are a shield and a mace. Beautiful and white. Broad dark leaves and the tang or dirt. The hummm of far away traffic. The smell of fresh air from the open windows and night and just after a short spring rain, a beeswax candle, forgotten, burning. The red eyes of vampire electronics. Cool blue blinking of a computer hard at work. The blinking cursor, taunting, prompting, patiently waiting.

Challenge: micro-fiction - 55words

tick

 

get off

 

tick

 

get the fuck out

 

tick

 

and let the door hit you on the ass on the way out

 

tick

 

don’t ever think of coming back here

 

tick

 

or I’ll kill you

 

tick

 

and what the fuck is that noise

 

tick

 

I swear to-

one more thing, just one more, and

 

boom

quote

"A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place,
but a seed to be planted and to bear more seeds toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea."

~ Henry David Thoreau

light

We do rather take lights for granted, don't we? Here I am at only about nine at night nearly blind as a bat for earth hour. I feel I am cheating a little bit just because i have the laptop on, but they are more efficient than desktops at least, and that is about the only light on in the apartment now apart from the clocks and other constant energy vampires. Energy and environmental waste is really quite a cyclical thing. we move fast because we created technologies that move faster so we can have more time, but we just have to move faster and get more done because we created technology that will keep up with us. Then, because we have so much technology we waste all this energy on keeping ourselves plugged in. Even now when the lights are out, my cell phone is still on and here I am typing at the god-damned computer like any person my age, and actually, I'm likely not half as bad as the average anything my age in terms of waste and the environment, and that just makes the situation all the worse - most of my neighbors have not bothered to turn out the lights, let alone turn off the tv, radio, cell, unplug the clocks, and then disconnect themselves from the computer.
What is even more hopeless than this is the fact that it has become almost impossible for americans, or any person from a reasonably developed country with any type of steady income, to disconnect themselves from others. What would you do if you lost your cell phone right now? If you unplugged the computer for a week and didn't turn on the tv? People would think that you dropped off the face of the planet or became some sort of extremist freak in their absence - or rather, in yours. What sort of culture do we live in where we can't stop texting at the dinner table or take time to actually stop and have a face to face conversation with them? Or even, when was the last time you talked to somebody on the phone who's your own age?
What would you do all day if you couldn't access the internet or text anyone?
Try it and find out, if not for a whole day, then just try an hour, and see how you do. I will too.

Lights Out!!!

Earth hour is from 8:30 (in about 10 minutes) to 9:30pm tonight local time. I'd better go turn my lights out!!! you should too!!

wow... i hope you all re-post this!

                                                        I AM

-I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

-I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

-I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

-We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

-I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

-I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

-I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

-I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

-We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

-I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

-I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

-I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

-I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

-I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

-I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

-I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

-I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

-I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

-I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you belive homophobia is wrong...

not free flowing shit poetry

Free flowing poems laugh and see
That they seem more alive than me
They twist and sway, jump up then…
…into oblivion they’ll fall

And what am I but few choice words
So scrunched into some lines for play;
The product of the boredom that
consumes a fat, white, folly rat

so on and on we’ll read again
of fake and silly fantasies
on little girls in wonderland
far from the knives of reality

Nov. 28th, 2004

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.

Guy: No this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

::Girl hugs him::

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. 2 people were on it, but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

If there is anyone in life you love this much, please repost this.