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not free flowing shit poetry

Free flowing poems laugh and see
That they seem more alive than me
They twist and sway, jump up then…
…into oblivion they’ll fall

And what am I but few choice words
So scrunched into some lines for play;
The product of the boredom that
consumes a fat, white, folly rat

so on and on we’ll read again
of fake and silly fantasies
on little girls in wonderland
far from the knives of reality


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 17th, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)
sorry i haven't been keeping up w/ lj for a while...i've been a bookworm and tearing my brain apart trying to figure out why then hell i'm taking 3 AP courses next year along with honors trig *and* german IV. damn me.
Jun. 17th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
I like this poem!! Nicely done! :D

Your schedule sounds scary. :(
Jun. 18th, 2005 01:22 pm (UTC)
it is scary...i think i went temporarily insane
Jun. 18th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
Re: thanx
I have the same type of schedule (AP US, AP lit, AP enviro, honors trig, French IV) and I'm not worried at all, actually. Hm.
Jun. 18th, 2005 05:04 pm (UTC)
I like your poem, but... this line "consumes a fat, white, folly rat" seems a little forced. So does the last stanza. It doesn't seem to match with the first; I really like the first stanza and the first two lines of the second, best of all. Nice job, but I would consider reworking some of it. :-)
Jun. 19th, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC)
i completely agree actually, but i was frustrated so the reworking didn't take place before i posted it.

thx for commenting..it's been a while
Jun. 20th, 2005 01:17 pm (UTC)
Your welcome. I'm not online much anymore. :-p I hope you're doing well.
Jun. 21st, 2005 03:07 pm (UTC)
no, you aren't. i'm quite fine...have you written anything more? and did you get your story published yet?
Jun. 21st, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC)
Which one? I'm quite sure I'm getting one ("For I Have Sinned") published in the Bucks County Writer. The editor loved it. LOVED it. :-) So there's a good chance.
Jun. 25th, 2005 04:41 pm (UTC)
not that one...although i did like that one...the one i'm thinking was a trilogy. i think you gave it to me last summer? i never got that third pt. (grr)
Jul. 3rd, 2005 01:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, that. That one has been put aside for more marketable endeavors. I.e., short stories.
Jul. 5th, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
oh. poo. i loved the other two tho (not that i didn't love your short stories, they rocked)...you are planning on getting it finished tho, right? *is hopeful*
Jul. 7th, 2005 11:05 pm (UTC)
I will finish it, but right now, I'm working on a murder-most-foul novel, which I really believe is my best work so far. I have so much faith in this, in fact, that I'm going to pay someone at the Writer's Room in Doylestown to edit and critique it for me so I can get it ready for publication. It's almost finished and I'm on page 61. I just stayed up until 2:00 AM writing it. This IS the best I've ever done. :-)
Jun. 19th, 2005 06:32 am (UTC)
hey excellent stuff. :D kudos!
Jun. 19th, 2005 12:13 pm (UTC)
why thank you, thank you very much =P
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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